playing with words and pictures

September 26th 2005.

i am listening to A Portrait by James Joyce. it's about eight a.m. and i spent my night up in the studio and was greeted by the blue of the morning an hour or so ago. my sleep patterns have been erratic to say the least, delerium is what follows. i have a deadline for the Snow Queen today that needs to get done, and then another flyer and some comics to work on for friends.

i was lucky enough to get an email from the people at bill graham and hope to be doing a poster for them in the future. a poster for the fillmore or the warfield has always been a dream of mine. having someone associate your image with a great show is amazing. i still have the poster for the elliott smith show in 2000, where i went alone after kevin died, and got the set list and his bottle of beer, and the poster that my friend Zach O'hara did for Yo La Tengo. i hope to do a good job when i get that call.

i got a zine from deth! yay. i want to visit los angeles soon. i am tempted to take this gig scanning stuff for my friend andy cochrane. two weeks. i think i would lose money on the trip due to gas and such but i am still tempted to go just to get out of town for a while even though it seems like i just got back.

i really miss *****

the dreams don't stop
neither does this vacuum
the darkness that comes
when your eyes close
is greeted by the warmth
of her memory
and the blood
through the membrane
that protects you
from the truth

that she's gone
"these things just happen"
echoes between your ears
in a voice that's colder now
colder than her hands
no longer yours to warm
all you have now are these images
that exist in between days

ghosts
cause she's seems like she's moved on
and you were so much older
and didn't think much of it
we had only had fantasy before
this was real and now it's only memory
and bad poetic interpretation

(touch the image of her to enter. all i have are images to touch now.)

"i drew this for you on the subway. i missed you then, knowing that you were thousands of miles away, knowing that i would see you soon, that you would hold me and that you loved me. i miss you now, realizing that the distance between us is no longer physical, that you no longer want to be in my arms, that i will no longer have the privilege to kiss you and call you love. you must do what you feel is right. i love you. i wish you still loved me."

The days following are hard, cold, restless, and with out sleep. The morning creeping into my attic window is the only consolation for my heart, the twilight blue that the new day brings wishing that when i finally sleep I fall awake and we were still holding hands.

Autumn change begins to take hold: the fading sun, the faded love, the winds that greet my face. I don't want to be here anymore. Run-run-run-i-just-want-to-run-away, past the neighborhood houses and into the space that exists between the world and the sun.

Another day passes and i feel the memory of you carved into me, recalling the textures of skin and the cadence of endless calls. There is a hollowness with the absence of you *****.

Your voice remains etched and burned and with the memory of a love (now lost) i begin to fill in the empty mold with pigment, reciting prayers and incantations, rubbing cadmium and cobalt into the carvings created from fingers on the dew of windows, hoping that it fills this emptiness. an elegy for moments that are no longer going to grow into other moments, a snapshot song before we forget how we fell in love.

Sometime in September, 2005

i saw this in brooklyn and i wish i had done it.
but i didn't
i find it neat that it was there
on my way to my friend's warehouse.
August 21st. 2005

Part Four: "Where it takes us only God really knows"
from a series of prayers 1-4

(click image to enter site)

I am off to LA for a week or so... I am in a group show in Los Angeles on August 2nd at Gallery 1988

drawing by beth of chris flynn for my summer art class. click on chris to see more of my student's work...

(apparently not all the images loaded properly. so i will fix them when i get back from LA. for my students in period one, i am sorry they will be up asap. in the meantime enjoy period two)

June 2nd, 2005

"We don't have to cling to keep hangin' on."

Julie and i celebrated our eight month anniversery by going to Of Montreal and Tilly & the Wall in San Francisco. I wanted to tell everyone how much i loved her, so i took this gig my neighbor offered about a show poster. It's been eight months but i still can't help feeling over whelmed every time i see her. I can't help it. She's is so so wonderful and the time that we have spent together has seemed like the wind. (Not in terms of the quickness of passing, but in the way that lifts you when you need to be lifted and soothes you with song or lets you know there is something greater out there that you can't possibly control so i feel like a sail i guess and that's what i think i am trying to say. maybe a bird and not a sail) I wanna adore her. I tell her this openly. She thinks she's not worth the effort. I like to prove her wrong.

May 1st. 2005

Will Parry
&
Lyra Silvertongue

HIS DARK MATERIALS

memories replay
in the warm midmorning sun
on an empty porch

in Los Angeles /for a week... /in a show /at a school/called crossroads
on the 17th. /i am going to see my friends /if you are /in new york.
go check out /bridgette's play, /the Adventures of /Alice in /Wonderland, /presented by /the Atlantic Theatre Company. /i will miss
/this person /right above /very much /even though /i am gone /for a short while /these days /fall on /a heart filled /holiday.

xoxo

the winds that have carried you are not filled with despair, they are the anthems and the songs that bring hope when all is lost.	as people we all drift either in memory or place popping up in trivial pursuit to bring joy when all is lost
ALL IS NOT LOST:new work by: MANNY SILVA & JUSTIN GABBARD DECEMBER 11th. 2004. 6-9pm SUPER 7. 1630 POST STREET. SAN FRANCISCO

it isn't the time to let the flood overwhelm you. it isn't time to just waste away and let them think things for you. wake up child there is an ocean around you, you won't drown, but soon yer tree can't save you. it's given you its everything and now you have to stop feeling like you're nothing no it's wrong you know the value of your organs the pounding from your core can save you. the flash and glow of conciousness has to come from with in you and not manufactured and force fed to you. it's just floating down stream more waste and debris for the wayside highway hayride of there is too much at stake to just hide.

"Sometimes people become lighthouses, guides for us to follow and not lose sight of ourselves in the darkness, they perpetuate a motion in our being so that we can do more than what we expect to do, and in doing so, we ourselves become beacons for others..."

detail from cover illustration for "Kitchen Sink Magazine"

September 9th 2004.

Home from New York.

Riding on the Subway is amazing at any hour if you have a sketchbook. A couple line drawings and you become friends with anyone, no matter how hard they pretend to be. I never want to be considered an activist. i want to be considered a human. i think that the true struggle today is in the fall of apathy, and the lack of transparency in our sense of reality.

Walking side by side with those that share different homes but share similar hearts is enough to create a home anywhere, especially in the middle of the street. Thousands singing and chanting and the only machine that they truly believe in is the one that drives blood through thier bodies giving them life.

One must understand the chain of events to break through them. realize that people have orders and tasks and they are only the messengers. as much as i detest the police for my stay in jail, and for the unethical treatment of my friends, i only ask of them to think for themselves instead of rank. understand morality and do not embrace brutality. we are the working class and so are you. but as the actions of a few speak volumes for the institution you represent historically, i say fuck you for your ignorance of true justice and your "aye sire" mentality. who do you serve when you say serve and protect?

Energize. Mobalize. Get your mind right. there is something past breaking through the virtual visual labotomy. "Emancipate your mind from mental slavery" somebody said the burning bush in front of you is lying, and that's the irony. "Be constructive with your blues. Thier weapons we can use." sang somebody. We must keep making sang everbody. writepaintsingdancelovedo. do or do not there is no try. do.

(more soon... getting back...inherited justin's cat... work... more soon...)

la revolucion es emocion. la revolucion es emocion. la revolucion es emocion.

"A Statement of Conscience"
art exhibition and happening

opening August 21st, 2004
6 p.m. - 2 a.m.
Alwan for the Arts
16 Beaver Street
New York, NY 10004
In the Financial District btwn Broad & Broadway

music. art. dance. culture. hope
presented by "Not in Our Name"
featuring work gathered from California to the New York islands

spiderman is a registered trademark of marvel entertainment,
and he's late with the groceries. "go get'em tiger"

june 30th 2004

i saw spiderman 2 at midnight. it was awesome. sam raimi even put in an evil dead 2 reference. i am seeing it again tomorrow with my brother and my cousin. i drew this while i was waiting for the movie to start.

so the site isn't done. bare with me. i am sorry. i have recently been asked to help out set up a show in new york through not in our name. the art show went well, my painting sold and there is a video of the show and someone playing with my piece here. i am glad people liked it, i think i am going to do another one for the show in new york, with the kinks worked out from this last one. thanks again to jasmine and hillary and all the folks as "not in our name" for letting me be part of the show. new york city i am coming at you like robert zimmerman in '62.

so i need to get in shape. i saw a photo of me from this time last year and boy oh boy have i become a pear shaped boy. so this sunday i am going to a sweat lodge, and i am going ask rusty if i can baby sit his bike while he is off in south east asia feeding monkeys. no joke. there are monkeys. out there like squirrels he says. squirrelly monkeys.!

say it again with me and mean it:

squirrelly monkeys.

it's fun. it's almost as fun as spiderman two.

almost.

June 24th 2004

Happy Birthday to my brother Rene who turned the grand age of eleven today and we celebrated by an adventure to the ice cream shop. My other brother Oscar, is taking him to a baseball game, he is pretty excited. I really enjoy having my brother around, he insisted on watching the NBA draft, and then i took him to practice, he plays in a league with his friend from school. He is pretty good, well he is better than me but that isn't saying much. He needs to box out though when he is crashing the boards.

it's all about fundamentals.

speaking of which, i should finish this site. it will be done soon. maybe i will work on it tommorrow before work. after finishing the piece for the "Not in our Name" i took a break and have been playing the Legend of Zelda. one of the best games ever in my opinion... but i should get back to work... and stop being such a slacker.

one thing on the schedule is reading to my brother. i want him to be excited about reading, i was lucky enough to fall into comics around his age. but i want him on good track in terms of literature... if you know something good to read to an eleven year old kid.

shoot me a line.

hope all is well.

twenty-four and such a bore...
June 20th, 2004

...and yes i am still chaste because i lost the one that i adored.

maybe i will be lucky enough to get a cat or a kitten or some kind of friend to stay up with and ramble to and we could pretend that we were in some joyce novel.

what will i name him or her.
any ideas?
let me know.

midnightkid@hotmail.com

or AIM at drawingpostcards

maybe pandemalion or dylan or maybe i should respect it's privacy because it already has a name... twenty four years today.

tale end of june 13th

my brother graduated from college yesterday and he packed up his things today, put them in his car and is taking off for the summer. on escape to san francisco to work in a lab, my brother the lab mouse, after spending the earlier months accompanying old books and things in the library, now he will have a new town to wonder about exploring as he is comtemplating the beautiful little pattern that make up life as an organic chemist...

yesterday though, his frat brothers came over, and got him really drunk, and family drinking ensued. it was really great. but he was so trashed. and it was wonderful to see him lucid and babbling. but still with the hints or reservations in him that allow him to be who he is some how semi subsided.

it was real nice to see my cousins too. i am really bad at keeping in touch with them because i get so busy with work. (see to do list) i think this should be corrected and if anyof them read this... email me. don't make me feel like a jerk for being in such a flake life because of work. and plus i think writing is important.

"give a hoot, read a book"

any who... i hope oscar has a nice time in the city, and i hope that he is writing in his journal and keeping notes on his adventures.

ummm. i would like to again apologize for the state of this site... it's still a mess. i know. there are things that aren't done bear with me.

tommorrow i am picking up my first paycheck from work at the movie theatre. and i need to pay bills. i am thinking about getting a second job at kinkos. i like nights. and i am there alot so might as well work there no?

that and i am super broke as usual. there is nothing wrong with being poor, it's just a little inconvenient from time to time. that's what i have learned so far. well i should go back to work.

June 8th 2004

one in the morning

not paying for shows is the best! this past week i went to two shows without paying a cent. i saw the mountain goats by making a sign with a drawing on it and john saw it when he came out from sound check and liked it so much he put me on the guest list. i gave him the sign in thanks. the second was actually due to friendster and my friend lief putting up a post asking if anyone wanted to work as an usher for the shins. this deserves a paragraph..

...so i pick him and yosef up and then we were off to pick up amy, our mutual friend in west oakland and as i am parking i back up into the storm drain getting a flat tire. she said that i was the second person to do that, the first being my ex girlfriend, so i felt like i was in good company. so we are fucked in terms of getting to the show, right?

no.

i flag down the first person i see and leave it to the east bay RATS motorcycle gang to the rescue, and luckily, trevor was nice enough to let us hop into the back of his pick up and drop us off at the bart. there is nothing more beautiful than an open air view of west oakland in the late afternoon sun...

so the show was awesome i danced through the isles seating people as the fiery furnaces tore through their set. these fuckers didn't stop and seemed like nothing could stop rock'n'roll as they blew me away. then it was the shins, and the rush of getting relieved from usher duty and gaining a drink ticket for a prize.

we went down to the floor from the rafters and i drifted from my friends for a moment to ponder the music from the bar, becoming immersed in the beauty of the warfield and the melodies that were coming from these humans on stage. it felt beautiful and i cried during st. simon and i wandered to where my friends were and put my hands on their back during new slang.

and it was wonderful, and even more amazing was spotting lisel off the corner near the stage and squeezing over to say hello... and her hellos were followed by warm kicks and playful jabs and i felt like i was in second grade in a halle lastrom movie... and she squeezed my face and i had to hold my self so i wouldn't fall over...

after the show we got a ride from leif's friends and we piled seven kids in the car and ended up at a warehouse party in oakland with old friends and the knowledge that the lake in oakland is called grand because of the quality of spirit it gives to its people...

I started working at a movie theatre this past week... and so far it's pretty fun. It's not as fun as the video store but i have enough free time to devote myself to some work. i have a pretty hefty to do list...

my to do list..

1. finish this site... soon! i promise. see list below to find out why i am such a slacker with this thing

2. finish cartoon... i am working on this flash animation thing that if everything works out can be pretty cool and maybe just maybe the kids that i am doing the work for (and about) will like enough to use it. for now it's a secret between you and i on the content of said animated video...

3. finish painting for "not in our name" show/auction. i am doing another music box painting and i found one that plays john lennon's "imagine". it needs to be done by the tenth...

4. finish wedding portrait for greg, one of dad's good friends whose kid who is my age was married recently. it's my first oil painting in a couple years. the last time i worked on one i worked on it for two years! you can see that painting on the site here.

5. work and finish the drawing for andy for rapatron ep

6. work on series for show. kozy and dan were nice enough to try to help me get a show down south for the fall. i gave them this as a present for being so great.

7. work on drawings for comic book with Jeff.

8. do poster for midnight movies at the cameras.... at least the logo.

9. get in shape, do more yoga. the suburbs sent me realling emotionally and physically when i moved back. it's funny how much place influences your state of mind. for the first few months back it felt like high school and i picked up the same bad habits minus the video games... having my little brother rene is really cool though. ten year olds rock.

10. fall in love. i just like to throw this one out there. because it's a constant, and i know that i really am not in the mood for love at the moment of the eros variety at least... agape and philia though... bring'em on...